DATING TIPS MAILBAG
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Approaching Women And Starting Conversations By David DeAngelo ***QUESTION*** Hi, Dave. I’ve recently separated after 13 years of marriage and was pretty nervous about the dating scene. I was immediately thinking of all the wussy stuff you’re “supposed” to do on a first date and to attract a woman. By chance, I got on your mailing list, and you answered the questions I had at the perfect time. I realized that I need to do the same thing I’ve been doing with women for the past 13 years–tease them and be funny. I was never interested in dating my female friends, and I treated them as buddies, and they always chatted and danced with me at parties and told my wife she was lucky to have a guy like me. Thanks to you, I know that I can keep being my cocky and funny self and I have a better chance of meeting women than by fawning over them. The preliminary flirting and meeting I’ve done so far has been good practice for me–I’ve gotten a few numbers, but more important, have been learning from my mistakes when I don’t get one, and I’m going to get your ebook to learn even more so the mistakes become less frequent. I do have a question though. I have been skimming the online dating sites, and I find that over 90% of the women’s profiles say they’re looking for a nice guy who will spend romantic evenings with them and be caring and attentive and all the “wussy” tuff you decry. What gives? Does it make a difference that the online women are looking for long-term relationships and want something more stable, or are they fooling themselves and asking for something they’re really not attracted to but think they should be? Thanks again for you help! You saved me from the Sahara Desert of Dating. Chicago, IL You’ve asked one of my favorite questions of all time… You’re basically asking “Why is it that women all say that they want a guy who acts like a WUSSY?”. And more importantly, why is it that women actually RESPOND to something totally different? Here it is in a nutshell: We humans have NO IDEA what we REALLY want. We THINK that we know what we want, but we don’t. We come into this world pre-programmed with all kinds of bizarre drives and desires… but many of them are so strange that our cultures and religions have made these natural drives “wrong”. Now, when you have a desire for something that is “wrong”, what are you going to do? You can’t exactly run around saying “I want the thing that everyone thinks is wrong”. Of course not. You’d be put in a looney bin and forced to take all kinds of medication. Either that or you’d be a rock star. Whatever. Look… I spent MANY YEARS of my life trying to get women to like me by kissing up to them, Did it work? Not so well. Or course, I just figured that the reason that it wasn’t working so well was because I wasn’t Only after spending a lot of time learning from guys who were “naturally” good with women did Ibegin to see what was REALLY going on. The fact is that if you ask most women what they want in a man, they’ll tell you that they want a “nice guy”. They want someone who is “A good communicator”. They want someone who is kind, thoughtful, and generous. I have a theory about this. It’s a dangerous idea, though. I think that most women say that they want a nice, ass-kissing, Wussy guy because… ..sit down for this… THEY CAN’T FIND ANY REAL MEN IN THE WORLD, SO THEY DECIDE THAT THEY’RE GOING TO HAVE TO SETTLE FOR “NICE”. So stop paying attention to all this stuff that women SAY that they want, and start doing Thanks for your email. Good stuff. ***QUESTION*** hey my girl lives in wisconsin i aint see in her a while shes comin bac tommow and possibly movin in wit her cousin 2 blocks from my house im nervous what do i do >>>MY COMMENTS: Well, if I read your email right, I gather: You are not so sharp with words. Your “girl” is also from Wisconsin. She’s moving in with her cousin, which tells me that they’re probably getting married. That doesn’t surprise me, based on your email. If I were you, I’d go back to high school… Until then, use the spell-check feature on your email or word processor. Please. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Dear David, Ah yes… it’s amazing how these concepts will help you take your success with women to the next level, no matter where you’re at now. I get a lot of email from guys who are handsome, successful, etc. who are finally enjoying success with women… now that they’re learning the most important part of the equation. Thanks for your email. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Hey David D, >>>MY COMMENTS: Yeahhhh baby. Now you’re starting to understand what’s going on. Here’s a quick story for you… I was in Phoenix this weekend visiting some good We went out to a restaurant together. There were seven of us total. We were all sitting in a huge booth, and I was all the way on the inside. In other words, I was as far as I could have been from the waitress, and I had to yell over everyone else at the table to talk to her. She walked up to the table to take our drink order. She was wearing this dark outfit… I think her shirt was dark green, and her skirt was black. With it, she had on a PINK BELT. So just as she walks up, before anyone had a chance to say ANYTHING to her, I yelled out: “I really like the way your belt ties the whole outfit together.” Of course, I said it in a sarcastic tone. Now, most of the people at the table (all guys) didn’t even get it. They just kind of smiled and looked at me with the “What was that?” look. As the evening went on, I continued to make fun of her whenever I could (keep in mind, I had to yell over everyone to do it, and when I was making fun of her, everyone at the table had to hear it). By the way, this girl was 20 years old, and pretty cute. Now, as the evening went on, most of the guys at the table started to get a little bit nervous about what I was doing. I mean, this girl was actually starting to act like she was upset a few times at what I said to her. I was really pushing the envelope. Toward the end of the meal, the guy sitting across from me began to ask me questions about what I do. Another friend of mine had told him that I write about women and dating, and he wanted to hear about some of my theories. This particular gentleman is a very successful businessman. He’s been a millionaire for over 20 years, as it turns out. I began by explaining to him that most guys tend to “kiss up” to women, chase them around, and do things to demonstrate that they’re “nice”… but that most men never consider the fact that women feel a powerful emotional and physical ATTRACTION to something totally different. I told him that the thing that made women feel ATTRACTION was often teasing, busting on, and being difficult with women… …and I went on to share some of my other theories with him. At one point, I even told him that if you have the guts to ANTAGONIZE a women in a playful way, you can sometimes make her feel such a powerful attraction to you that she doesn’t even know what to do. This guy was looking at me as if I was CRAZY. He was watching me tease this waitress, and seeing her act upset and offended at the things I was saying. He was totally convinced that what I was doing was making this girl HATE me. All the other guys at the table were convinced of the same thing. Even my friends who KNEW me didn’t think that this girl liked me. So what happened? At the end of the meal, after she brought over the check, she walked around the end of the booth so she could talk to me alone… Then she reached over, pulled my hair… AND HANDED ME A NOTE WITH HER NUMBER. No, I didn’t ask for it. No, I wasn’t even interested in her. Of course, all the guys at the table were stunned… ESPECIALLY the older successful guy sitting across from me that thought I was crazy. It was a good time. Thought you’d enjoy the story… Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBookThis offer is the real deal. No tricks. ***QUESTION*** I have been reading your mailbags for quite sometime now and after reading your book, I’m a little confused. You always said not to be a wuss, but you mentioned in your ebook about opening doors and pulling out chairs and doing other nice things when you go for coffee or something. Isn’t that being a wuss? Please break it down for me. Chicago, IL >>>MY COMMENTS: Great question There is a concept known as “Chivalry”. Now, there is much debate about what chivalry actually MEANS… But most people describe chivalry loosely as “Being a perfect gentleman, demonstrating perfect manners, and acting courteous towards women”. Incidentally, the word was originally a French word that meant “horseman”, and it has a lot of associations with knighthood. The image of a dark, handsome knight coming to rescue a princess who is in distress will give you an idea of how it all fits together. Now, the PROBLEM comes when men begin to CONFUSE “chivalry” with “ass kissing”. You’ve probably heard me say that most women know EXACTLY what “sexual tension” is, and most men have no idea. Same thing is true when it comes to chivalry. Most women know EXACTLY what it is, and most men are so confused that they would actually be better off if they knew NOTHING AT ALL. If you could build a miracle device that could magically go inside the minds of a thousand women and create a picture of what they all thought “chivalry” was, here’s what I think you’d find… An image of a strong, masculine, adventurous man… one who needs nothing… one who is very driven towards his own personal goals in life… one who RADIATES sexual confidence… …and then you’d see him doing certain things like opening a door for a lady, pulling out her chair, walking on the outside of the curb to protect her, etc. What you WOULD NOT EVER see is a weak, ass- kissing, apologetic, unmotivated, approval- seeking man who is opening doors and pulling out chairs to IMPRESS a woman. Chivalry is ALL ABOUT the MAN doing the chivalrous things, not about the things he’s doing. In these newsletters you see a lot of letters from guys who write in to say “I don’t like the idea of teasing women, being Cocky & Funny, and all the other things you say. I’m a NICE guy. What happened to being a GOOD GUY? What happened to BEING YOURSELF and having a woman like you for who you are?”. I’ll tell you what happened to it. IT NEVER EXISTED. It’s a fantasy, just like the Easter Bunny, dude. Here’s a riddle for you. Why is it that when you always put your own needs aside, put a woman on a pedestal, and do whatever she wants, a woman is annoyed? And why is it that when you put your own needs first, play “hard to get”, and give women a major CHALLENGE she says things like “You’re so nice”? Answer: WHO CARES! The fact is that this is the reality we all live in. And it’s time to get with the program, and do what works, rather than sitting around telling yourself that you’re right and everyone else is wrong. This was a great email… it probably deserves a newsletter dedicated to this topic alone. I’ll see what the feedback is on this particular comment, and maybe we’ll do it sometime. ***COMMENT*** Your stories just seem ‘too’ tuned (made-up) to tell ‘men’ what they want to hear. As you said ‘men’ are too nice therefore naive! I have my own techniques and one things for sure – BEING TOO NICE IS NOT THE WAY! (Only on ugly or desperate women, right?) Yes! At least give a few examples instead of telling guys what they wanna hear then I MAY consider buying a DVD. >>>MY COMMENTS Bite me. I don’t tell guys “what they want to hear”. I tell guys what they NEED to hear. I’m a pain in the ass, man. And I don’t really care whether or not you buy my DVD program. In fact, please don’t. One thing that we both agree on… Being “too nice” isn’t the way with women. ***SUCCESS STORY*** >>>MY COMMENTS lol… You know, I’m afraid that this newsletter is going to have guys running out all over the world to insult women. If you’re reading this right now, make sure you are VERY FAMILIAR with the principles of being Cocky & Funny, the voice tone and body language involved, etc. before you attempt to use it. If you choose to avoid this advice, you’re very likely to get yourself slapped. …which is probably what you need anyway. Where do you learn this stuff? Try my eBook and my Advanced Series. By the way, great story. It’s CRAZY how women will start telling you how “sweet” and “cute” and “nice” you are when you tease them. ***QUESTION*** David, I downloaded your book a few weeks ago and like a dumbass I put off reading it until yesterday. I read it straight through and tried some of your methods later that night… I was talking to a little hottie and she was giving mad attitude which I immediately called her out on and then pulled out the “I know something no one else who’s known you for 5 min” thing and she ate it up like it was her last meal. Throughout the night with plenty of C/F, she was like my siamese twin. Truly incredible since I had just read your book a MY COMMENTS Yes, I have a profound comment for you: SAY NOTHING. This is one of my favorites… so let me tell you about it. Women LOVE to say things just to see what you’ll do or say in response. Have you ever had a woman mention sex early on in a conversation? Or maybe a woman will ask a shocking question like “When was the last time you slept with a woman?” or “How many women have you slept with?” or “I have been with a few women… what do you think of that?”. Or maybe a woman will DO something crazy, like push her boobs together and ask if you think she should get implants. I’m sure you’ve been there. These are all things that women do to TEST you and see what you’re all about. This is yet another topic that deserves an entire newsletter… so I’ll give you the short version. One of my favorite responses is to just look back at her with a blank look, and say NOTHING AT ALL. No response. No facial expression. No nervous ticks. No excited looks. NOTHING. I’ll let the tension build for about 5 or 10 seconds. They I’ll usually fire back some kind of Cocky & Funny comment like “Does that usually work?”. Of course, this totally short-circuits whatever she did, and usually gets a deer-in-the-headlights look with an “I’m so innocent” question of “What do you mean by that?”. Of course, I usually respond with “You know EXACTLY what I mean”. Remember, when you’re in one of these situations, the most PROFOUND comment you can make is often NO comment. Great question. You’re going to FREAK when you watch my Advanced Series… ***Success Story*** I got your e-book and additional materials and Iwant to say thank you. I already did many of the things you teach (unintentionally) because that’s what comes naturally, but now I have a much better understanding as to why it works and what I can do better, because let’s face it, if I was satisfied with my success I wouldn’t be here. I’ve always been good at approaching women, getting their numbers and keeping them interested, but I’ve always messed up ‘closing escrow’. Your ‘pull them to you’, ‘Push them away’ technique is working, >>>MY COMMENTS This is an interesting question. I don’t really think that you need to make any “excuses”. I think that your mistake was that you got too frisky with her in public, then actually told her that you’d be willing to “allow” her to do more with you in private. Both might have been bad, in your case. If I were you, I would have: Not let things get so heavy in the park. Not mentioned being with her in private. Ended the picnic, then casually led her to your car, and took her to your place. Remember, if you give a woman something to So don’t. In fact, it’s often better to put things out there as a playful CHALLENGE instead. If a woman wants to see my house, I often say “I’m not sure about this… I don’t know if I trust you. I’ll tell you what. You can only come in for a minute, and no funny business”. If I were you, I’d: 1) Wait a day to email her back. Wait at least a couple of days to see her And pay careful attention to the comments I made above. You’re almost there… ***QUESTION*** Hey David, Mo >>>MY COMMENTS The thing that determines whether or not a silence is “uncomfortable” is what happens RIGHT AFTER IT. In other words, most men get all kinds of nervous if there is a silence… and by the time they think of something to say, they SOUND nervous. If you just realize that silences are normal, and allow them to happen, you’ll solve about 80% of the problems that go along with them. Don’t let silences bother you. When they happen (and they always do), just pick the conversation back up later. Again, most men let silences freak them out. When you do this, then start acting nervous, it INSTANTLY lets a woman know that you’re trying to impress her, and that you care too much about what she thinks of you… Which, of course, makes your concern backfire on you. Stay cool. Don’t let a silence bother you. ***SUCCESS STORY*** David, MY COMMENTS: Yea, “The Kiss Test” is a great one. One of my favorites. I love ideas that rejection-proof the process. ***COMMENT FROM A WOMAN*** Dear David, MY COMMENTS: All men should be forced to read this email every day for 30 days in a row before they’re allowed to have their 18th birthday party. AMEN sister! By the way, if there’s one thing you can bet money on, it’s that I’m not falling in love with you because you send me a picture. But it was a nice thought. For you, I mean. ***SUCCESS STORY*** Seriously, dude, where were you 16 years ago when I could have really used this stuff? Not that I’m not having fun using it right now. Your advice is pure gold. If there’s a guy out there on the fence right now about trying out the C+F routine, hop off that fence and start using it. I recently divorced and started a new job, and there’s a hottie there that I’m not interested in dating but has been a great test subject. I bust her balls all the time, and she eats it up! I’ve been getting free lunches out of the deal and get to be seen with a beautiful woman, so there’s no downside. Here’s where your stuff really helped out, though. P.S. — You should have heard the guys in my department after this little exchange. They couldn’t believe how smooth and calm I was. I immediately sent them all a copy of your newsletter. >>>MY COMMENTS: Your response is CLASSIC Cocky & Funny. …then don’t smile so much when I do it…” LOVE IT… love it. This is the way to communicate with women. This is it. Thanks… great story. ***QUESTION*** David… D, Indiana MY COMMENTS: In short, BOTH. When it comes to my house, and telling a woman the “rules” of being in my house, I like to tell her DIRECTLY. I lay it all out. Why? Why not imply it somehow? Because in this case, telling her IS implying something. But it’s something ELSE. When I lay down the rules for being in my house, I’m communicating something FAR more important to her. I’m communicating that I’m in CONTROL of the situation… and that this is MY territory. Get it? Remember in the Advanced Series when I explain that women are ALWAYS interpreting the things you say? And that you have to learn how to STOP saying things directly, and start saying everything by IMPLYING? Well, this is a case of implying by saying something ELSE directly. I know, deep, man. Great question… And by the way, if you’re reading this right now, and you’re ready to take your success with women to an entirely different level, then I have a few things to tell you… First, I want to ask you something. What is it that’s holding you back? What’s stopping you from having success with women? Think about it for a minute. Now I have something REALLY interesting to share with you… YOU’RE WRONG. See, I know that most guys have a “secret reason” why they fail with women. Maybe it’s that they’re too short. Or maybe it’s because they’re too old. Or maybe it’s because they’re bald. Whatever it is, it’s THE big reason. Unfortunately, most guys walk around with their “secret reason”, and use it to explain to themselves why NOTHING can EVER work for them. As they read these newsletters, in their minds they’re constantly saying “That’s a great story, but that would never work for ME because of my secret reason…”. Are you with me here? Well guess what… WE ALL HAVE A SECRET REASON. But the fact is that you’re WRONG. Your secret reason IS ABSOLUTELY NOT the reason why you don’t have the kind of success with women that you’d like to have. The REAL reason why you don’t have the level of success you want is because you’re not DOING ANYTHING about it. I have spent a lot of time getting to know a lot of guys who are successful with women. And guess what? MOST of them are NOT what you would expect. Sure, I know a few guys that are tall, rich, and handsome. But the MAJORITY of guys that I know who are successful with women are AVERAGE OR BELOW in MOST areas of their lives. I know at least 4 or 5 SHORT guys who date so many hot women it would make your head spin. Most of the guys I know who are really good with women make average incomes. …and on and on. I now believe 100% that you can overcome any little “disadvantage” that you have, and go on to become VERY successful with women. One more thing… I’ve spent a LOT of time putting my eBook and other products together. Think about this for a moment… What if I asked you to spend a few YEARS of your life, thousands of dollars of your own money, and all kind of hard work and effort to learn something? What if I told you that at the end of that time, I wanted to have you create a program that taught me everything you learned, but I was only going to pay you a couple of hundred bucks to do it? What would you say? You’d probably laugh at me. Well, that’s what I’VE done myself. I’ve spent YEARS figuring out this area of my life for MYSELF. I took the time to try all kinds of crazy ideas, and test everything I learned. Most of it didn’t work. Most of it sucked. I wasted more time trying stupid things than anyone I know. But the good news is that I figured it out. I took myself from not being able to even walk over and talk to a woman to being able to date the most beautiful and intelligent women alive. And now I’ve created the programs that I WISH I had when I started. I’m serious about this. I always ask myself “What do I wish I had when I started”… and I go from there. Finally, I’ve been doing something lately that is UNHEARD OF… In the past, I got a lot of emails that said things like “If your stuff is so great, why don’t you send me a free copy, and if it works for me, I’ll pay you…”. I just laughed and said “Yea, right, whatever”. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that this was the way I PERSONALLY would like things to be when I buy things. So guess what? I tried it. And it seems to be working pretty well. Here’s the deal: If you want to download my eBook, I’ll let you do it on a FREE TRIAL. That’s right, you don’t have to pay up front for it. If you like it, keep it. If not, you don’t pay. I’d also like to invite you to sign up for my FREE Dating Tips Newsletter… where you’ll get more great tips like these. You can do both here: Free Dating Tips Newsletter And Download eBookThis offer is the real deal. No tricks. Check it out. I’ll talk to you again soon. Your Friend, David D. David Dangelo Is the author of “Double Your Dating – What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating. Copyright 2010 David DeAngelo Communications Inc., All Rights Reserved. “David DeAngelo” and “Double Your Dating” are trademarks used by David DeAngelo Communications Inc. |
). So after the initial shock wore off for her we began talking and I used your how-to-know-when-a-woman wants-to-be-kissed concept. And you know what? It worked! Not that I was very surprised but I was a little. Thank you so much for your thoughts and I’ll soon be ordering your advanced series.
